I am participating in the fifty book challenge 2018 and so far it’s been a wave of disparate emotions having immersed myself with different genres of books. Who knew that book number 12, on my list, would be a spiritual, self-help book.For the longest time, I have never been a fan of self-help books, I just never take home anything meaningful from them.
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, has totally changed my perspective, I had lots of Aha! moments while reading which got me thinking that maybe I should give this genre a try more often. For starters the book will open up your mind to understanding love, okay; at least most aspects of it (still think Love is the most complex thing to understand). Gary Chapman deduces from his research that Love is not this one universal language; we all have a different understanding and obviously a different approach to it. His book will to a greater extent take away the work of trying to understand the things that make no sense and allow you to focus on what’s truly important.
Gary Chapman reveals that there are 5 love languages we use to communicate love to one another, which is different for everyone, hence the importance of understanding what your love language or significant other’s is. According to Mr. Gary, the mistake that most people make is assuming that their partner has the same love language as them which is never the case, at least more often than not.
The Five Love Languages
1) Words of Affirmation
Some people feel most loved when they receive words of affirmation from their loved ones. It may be being told “I love you”, or being praised, complimented, appreciated, supported, or encouraged. Essentially, having affirming words will make you feel loved if this is your primary love language.
2) Quality Time
For some people, words of affirmation aren’t it… they’ll complain that “They say they love me, but they don’t spend any quality time with me!” If this is your case, then quality time may be your love language. This can be someone listening to you, doing things with you, sharing experiences, looking into the other person’s eyes, etc… It’s important for this person to be fully present with you when they’re spending time so watching TV while your partner is talking to you doesn’t count as you are not fully giving them your attention.
3) Receiving Gifts
Receiving gifts may be your primary love language if you feel most loved when someone buys you gifts, cheap or expensive. This may show you that this person really cares and you really appreciate anything that is given to you. It could be receiving flowers, chocolates, cards, notes, etc… any gesture that is a gift will make you feel loved.
4) Acts of Service
Some complain that they want you to SHOW THEM that you love them, not tell them. “Talk is cheap”, as the saying goes. These people need acts of service, which is when others do things for them. Someone with acts of service as their primary love language will feel most loved when your partner cleans the house, washes the dishes, laundry, cooks, helps them with projects or tasks, etc… When someone does something for them, they feel loved.
5) Physical Touch
Lastly, physical touch may be your primary love language if you require physical affection to be loved. It could be holding hands, being kissed, hugging, brief touches, or even sex.
Gary Chapman in this book often talks about a “Love Tank”, according to him when its empty that means that the relationship is in danger. This got me thinking for those in a relationship on a scale of 1-10, how full is your love tank right now?
Whatever the answer is, you may need to focus on making your partner feel more loved. I truly believe that loving someone is a choice you make and you have to constantly work at it. A relationship is a place you should enjoy giving and making the other person happy without necessarily anticipating anything in return (Strongly hinting to those that account for things they do for their partners).
Gary writes this book in a way that will grab your interest as it is so relatable, everyone could benefit from reading this book, including those that aren’t in a relationship. This book leans more towards Christian beliefs and quotes scriptures from the bible, however, it shouldn’t put anyone off as it makes sense for all spiritual, non-spiritual beings or somewhere in between trying to keep the relationship afloat and the romance alive.